Esther's Self Perception and Her Mental State

    Throughout The Bell Jar, it's clear that Esther, as her mental state deteriorates, has a change in the way she perceives herself physically, even at some extents not recognizing herself when seeing her reflection in a mirror. I noticed this happening multiple times times in the book, in each one she recognizes herself differently, and can therefore demonstrate her mental status' change throughout the book, particularly the worsening of her mental health, and descent into what some people, especially at the time, could call insanity. Despite this, I will talk about the two most significant ones I noticed.

    I first saw this chapter 2 in page 19 in my edition. In the scene, Esther has just returned to her apartment after partying with Doreen, who is still at Lenny's house. Esther had just finished narrating her thoughts about the city and the UN building, which she could see from her apartment window. When she describes the mirror placed above her bureau cabinet, she describes it as slightly warped and "much too silver", unlike its original appearance. Beside this, Esther's reflection in the mirror holds a similar appearance, distorted by the mirror's warped look. She describes it as the "reflection in a dentist's ball of mercury"(Plath 19). This scene serves as a sort of introduction to Esther's detachment from her identity. We can see that thanks to her deteriorating mental state, she begins to lose familiarity in her own image. It can also be interpreted as her discontent with her current life, and how perhaps she doesn't see herself the same anymore after being so unsatisfied with a life many people would love, and how she could feel like she doesn't feel like what she's doing now really identifies her. 

    A similar scene happens once Esther is admitted into an asylum after her suicide attempt in chapter 14. She has just been admitted to the asylum, and has recently had her mother, brother and one of her classmates visit her in the hospital. She is not pleased with either of the visits. After she's left alone in her room with a nurse, she asks the nurse for a mirror, a request she insists on. Once she's given a mirror by the nurse, she looks in the reflection. During the scene, Esther originally refers to her reflection as a picture. She then proceeds to describe the "picture" in the mirror saying that "you couldn't tell the whether person in the picture was a man or a woman." She gives a further description of her reflection, mentioning how her hair was shaved off, she was bruised, viewed herself a different color and pale-lipped. She drops the mirror to the ground after realizing the face in the mirror was her after it mimicked her smile. (Plath 174.) Now that Esther's mental state had deteriorated to a state that led her to attempt suicide, it has gone to a point where she can no longer recognize herself in a mirror. Reflections of her own image feel foreign to her. You could argue that she no longer understands who she "really is", now that her mental state has deteriorated to such a point.

    Throughout the book, particularly these two times, it's clear that Esther's mental state has deteriorated to the point where she can't recognize herself anymore. This may add on to the fact that she doesn't feel content with her life working for Jay Cee, and living with the other girls at the hotel, and chooses to pursue writing before attempting suicide, and being sent to a series of mental asylums. She no longer feels identified by the person working for the fashion magazine, and sees that identity as foreign.